Eroticism in everyday life

What the media has been trying to sell as fulfilled sexuality for years often puts enormous pressure on couples. It is time to get rid of this pressure of instrumentalized expectations through film, radio and TV.

The desire for the normal sex

Submission, lashes, bondage: flower sex seems almost extinct since the world success of "Fifty Shades of Gray". In the recently filmed Hollywood version, the initially shy and inexperienced Anastasia submits to the cruel and beautiful billionaire Christian Gray, who introduces Anastasia to the world of the sado-masochistic variety. The complex topic has been fully implemented and has become a benchmark for fulfilling sex since its introduction to the broad mass market.

Less sex, longer relationship

Fancy normal sex
Lust for normal sex - © Oscar Brunet / Adobe Stock

A queasy feeling can creep up on you: when it comes to having a full sex life, you should have tried most of the known sexual practices - or at least sink into the sheets as transfigured as the film and novel heroes always do care for. Day in, day out - wherever you look, you see supposedly satisfied people, crispy bodies and conclude the perfect sex.

Of course, the reality is completely different: apart from the stress of leisure, work and household, there is often hardly any time or even desire to enjoy normal, extensive sex. Also, the erotic pre-gymnastics, which you constantly get prayered on TV, usually cease due to lack of time.

Instead of couples having sex with each other, they nod in front of the telly. Of course, many people ask: is our relationship or our sex life so boring? Are you no longer sexually irritating your partner? Sex researchers have found in a study that this is perfectly normal and has nothing to do with the partner's erotic charisma.

The longer a relationship lasts, the less sex couples have with each other

Newly enamored couples, regardless of their age, have an average of around 10 times a month sex with each other. People in long-term relationships do it at the same time on average "only" on 4 times. It is amazing that it obviously does not matter if the relationship is already 5 or 25 years. This is mainly due to the fact that sexuality naturally changes in the course of a relationship.

Behavioral research agrees that, especially in the early stages of a relationship, sex is used as a binder to weld people together. The longer a relationship then lasts, the more the sex moves into the background - other things come into focus. Often, then, the question arises whether that would have been all right.

Find out what is fun for both of them together

Of course, it must be clear that it has not been “that”. But it is a fact that sex life changes in the course of a relationship. The question of whether you should try a new position rarely arises. The topic revolves more often around possible erectile dysfunction and vaginal dryness and how to deal with it. Lucky are those people who have a family doctor, whom they have complete confidence in.

The main thing then is to recognize that each partner's sexuality is different from that which existed at the beginning of the relationship. This also has advantages, by the way, because experts say that sexuality in longer partnerships, which are also called "individual sexuality", practice emotionally deeper sex. The partners find out together which type of sex gives them fulfillment and which dreams and wishes they want to try together.

Sex therapists, however, warn against taking in too many currents from the outside in such phases - no role models such as the aforementioned “Fifty Shades of Gray” or pornography should be used. This is easier said than done, of course, because the sexual influences pound every day on everyone. It is precisely this daily oversaturation due to erotic content that leads to people being under emotional and psychological pressure. One can only lose the permanent comparison between oneself and the supposed super-lovers from the media. And then sex should be fun? Unlikely.

Sex that is fun works for couples who feel good together. These couples usually find their own sexuality. The important thing is that you talk to each other and honestly say what goes through your head. It is clear that this is not always easy for everyone.

Stupidly, there is no adequate language for the sexual field in our culture, since there is no cultivated culture in this area. It must be clear that beautiful sex can not fall from the sky. Eroticism can not and does not always erupt spontaneously like a volcano, even if it is always portrayed in the movies. Good sex requires that you do something for it.

Dear imperfect love

There are different ways and means of shaping sex life so that you can be satisfied with it. It is not always easy, but there is always a way.

  • Sex on schedule: Waiting for you to be suddenly overpowered and overpowered by lust is forgiven lovemaking. Modern people plan and structure their entire day - so why not sex? Of course, this seems rather unromantic, but it is a fact that unperfect sex is far better than no sex at all.
  • Interpersonal talks: Making erotic plans while talking about sex can already be the pilot for your own lust. Just as you are not the same dish for lunch every day, sex is only in bed, boring and boring in the long run. Finding new, unusual places can be the kick par excellence.
  • Taking time helps: While only a few minutes pass in films, until the opponents sink in blissfully perfect cushions into the pillows, in reality it is different - and that's a good thing. The so-called "slow sex" is performed with slow movements, but all the more intense. The quality of sex is increasing rapidly.
  • To be open for smth new: Inspiration derived from books and films does not necessarily have to be bad. It's important to make something good out of it. It does not have to be shackles, whips and burning torches. For example, you can start by simply connecting your eyes. It depends on all sexual varieties only that both participants feel comfortable. So that the sex is good, it is important that even a no is accepted.

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