She does not meet the parents unprepared, after all, one can still well remember her own time of growing up, and yet she feels like a freefall to many - rarely does one feel so challenged as a parent and at the same time so helpless. Of course we're talking about puberty, the big time of getting rid of a lot, which is a real challenge for the children, but more so for the parents.
Puberty is an important development phase
Children become adolescents and eventually become independent adults. Parents often have a hard time with it and the feeling that the family is breaking up does not make things much easier.
Let go already in kindergarten
When a baby is born, no one thinks that nature will take its natural course within a few months and focus the entire development on letting go.
From the first steps to the entrance to the kindergarten - the separation of parents and child comes on installments, but it is never to stop.
The first longer separation comes at the latest with the multi-day trip to the Landschulheim in class five. Many children are frightened of it, but the parents are also worried: Is enough attention paid to my child? What if it hurts or gets sick? How will he fare if perhaps others bullied him on the journey?
All these fears of letting go should, however, hide parents well from the children and rather with self-confidence in the sense you can do it! It is very bad to forbid the children out of fear, so they give them a great and unique experience, development opportunities and lots of fun!
In puberty, let go and yet give support
And someday she will be there! The puberty comes first with slight nuances, a suddenly contradictory child, that the gentle little angel may occasionally turned into a beast. Boys, but also girls, suddenly withdraw more and more, consciously distancing themselves from the rest of the family.
This step hurts, but is essential for healthy development. The Circle of Friends wins more and more influence when letting go of the family. What the friends think about you becomes more important than the opinion of the parents, superficially at least.
Because even if the kids do not always want to admit it, knowing that home-based security is a safe and secure environment greatly strengthens them. Adolescents demand understanding as never before, and often act so selfishly that the required understanding becomes a force act for the parents.
Safety net for free fall
Adolescents fight for freedom, not only physical nature, such as prolonged waking, going out and retreat, but also for the freedom of their own opinions, their own views and their own needs.
This can start with the taste of music and end in time for the Internet.
Of course you do not have to put up with the kids. Fixed rules can help to create freedom and protect young people nonetheless. Parents can help a lot in this time: the memory of their own Abnabelung.
What could have been better? What did your parents do well and right? What would I like to do as well as what else? How do I want to strengthen my child so that she can become her own individual?
Adolescents need their freefall and parents should only use a safety net to catch their children in bad experiences.
And last but very important: Do not take anything personally in this phase, it is normal for children to rebel against their parents, then and now!