How children learn to lose through play – Education

Anyone who watches children play or plays with them can often see that they are not good at losing. What many adults lack is not always present in children (yet). Every child must learn that losing is part of the game and, above all, how to lose properly.

How children learn to lose through play

It is by no means in the nature of a child to coolly exit a losing situation at the age of three. Dice and game pieces are more likely to fly into the next corner of the room than to react so confidently.

Playing also means learning to lose
Playing also means learning to lose – © Dan Race / Adobe Stock

Children of this age are not developmentally capable of doing this. They not only have to learn the game itself, but also how to lose. Every adult can understand how difficult it is to be a loser, so you should teach your children how to deal with defeat.

Strengthening children’s self-esteem

Strong children can become strong adults. Children with positive self-esteem find it easier to emerge from such a situation, not only at this age but also later on.

But they shouldn't learn it through bad experiences, for example when they are laughed at or teased as a bad loser when playing with other children. That would leave additional negative memories. Parents should therefore build up the child's self-esteem early on, so that it can learn to accept defeat and deal with it well. Of course, nobody likes to lose, not even adults, so anger and disappointment are basically normal reactions afterwards. However, it is important to channel this anger and frustration and not to appear "blindly raging".

Learning through play with age-appropriate games

Parents should not allow themselves to be tempted, despite all their love and understanding for their child, to let the child win when it would actually lose. The child will not learn anything from this, and especially will not learn anything for later life. Then the child will not be able to avoid the anger and disappointment caused by losing, but will have to face the situation.

With the right games, which are especially age-appropriate, children can learn more easily how to accept defeat. However, such a game should be a team game in which everyone has to win together - at least for very young children, this is very important.

A high fun factor is also very helpful, as it means that many children simply forget that it could also be about winning. When children are small, they cannot yet master all the rules and need the guidance and supervision of older players. Here, too, parents should not prescribe all the rules straight away, but rather introduce children to the end result of the game in a relaxed and easy-going manner.

How do you deal with children’s anger?

Of course, none of these are miracle cures for turning frustrated losers into happy losers. A little feeling of defeat is part of the game, otherwise no one would be happy about a win. If the child reacts uncontrollably, adults should remain calm and composed.

As soon as the little loser has calmed down, he is also receptive to explanations and consolation. It might be useful to give a few strategic tips and the prospect of “it will work out better next time” also helps to overcome the momentary frustration.


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