At some point it comes: the time when teenagers bring home their first boyfriend or girlfriend. This new situation requires a great deal of sensitivity, tolerance and openness from parents.
The first love – first boyfriend, first girlfriend
Tact in the sense that parents exercise discretion and knock once too often rather than once too few before entering their son or daughter's room.
Not everyone finds this easy, as you wonder what is going on behind closed doors. In addition, young people today are making commitments much earlier than their parents and are younger when they have their first boyfriend or girlfriend.
First love at twelve?
Some girls have their first boyfriend at the age of twelve, an age when their mothers were still playing with Barbies. However, these relationships often have a completely different quality than those of older teenagers. When a girl has her first boyfriend or girlfriend at the age of twelve, the focus is more on holding hands, and the feeling of having to have a boyfriend or girlfriend in order to fit in can also be a trigger.
The situation is different for fourteen-year-old boys and girls. Parents should definitely discuss the topic of sexuality, especially contraception and protection against HIV, openly. A visit to the gynecologist would also be advisable. Sometimes young people find it difficult to talk freely and uninhibitedly about these things - perhaps they find it easier with a doctor.
Show tolerance and be attentive
Even if the first boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't quite meet your expectations, you should hold back on making comments about them. Firstly, this will hurt your child and secondly it will create mistrust, with the result that you as a parent will be less involved in what is happening in the relationship.
However, if there is suspicion that the boyfriend or girlfriend is taking drugs, or if the young man is significantly older than the girlfriend, clarifying discussions are necessary.
Talk to your child about your worries, but don't judge too quickly. However, if there is a big age difference and your daughter is not yet fourteen, the young man is committing a criminal offense if there is sexual contact. You must point this out to both your daughter and her boyfriend, even if you are seen as narrow-minded afterwards.
Enduring heartbreak and anger
Even the most beautiful first love usually ends after months or years. Sometimes just like that, sometimes because of someone else. You can't spare your child the pain or the anger.
The first boyfriend or girlfriend is always special! Just be there for your child when he or she needs to talk, but don't pressure him or her.
Everyone deals with heartbreak differently. Accept your child's behavior as long as it doesn't go too far. Put up with his anger and remember your first relationship. It might help your child if you tell him a little about his first boyfriend or girlfriend. Make it clear to the adolescent that every heartbreak will eventually end.
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